Disability & Why I Feel Like A Liar

My Twitter profile reads that I am disabled with Fibro pain. It’s true. I receive SSDI monthly and have for over 5 years. I had to hire an attorney after my third rejection from SSA to fight for my disability. There was an ergonomic specialist in court with us. His job was to find an occupation I could do, even part time, with the limitations my doctor documented. The conclusion… No job anywhere in the US. Long story short, I can’t work. Period. The doctors say so. The specialist said so. The judge said so. And that’s just the Fibro. I also have partial deafness in my left ear from scarlet fever as a baby. I get migraines. I have GERD. I have IBS. I have placque psoriasis. I herniated and bulging discs in my c-spine. Also, depression and PTSD. So why do I feel like a fraud when I claim to be a disabled person? Why do I feel like I’m really not disabled “enough” to claim that title. Do I doubt myself because so many  people, strangers, “friends” & medical people have doubted me? Is it because I was treated as and accused of being a drug seeker? Is it my childhood where I was never good enough? Is it my marriage to my ex where I was a liar, lazy and just generally always in the wrong? I think if I could figure out which one or combo of these is shaming me I might be able to put it behind me. I’ve walked thru many other fires and come out burned but better. I don’t have an answer here but I do know I shouldn’t feel like I’m lying and cheating when I claim to be a disabled person. I want to stand up and fight for rights with others.  Maybe tell that lady in the mirror that she’s not a fraud. Maybe keep doing it until she believes it.

Questions???  Comments??? I’m open to both.

 

 

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