Friendless

I came to a realization the other day. I have no friends. It sounds bleak but, surprisingly, it’s not. It’s not that I’m depressed and withdrawn, although I have had bouts of depression since my teens. It’s not that I’m shy and don’t know how to make friends. I’m very confident and have great social skills. It’s simply that I don’t have the time or the energy to maintain a friendship. Before I became disabled I was a supervisor for a big emergency roadside service company. I won’t list all my duties here but they were extensive. Before disability I was also on PTA and very active in several grassroots political groups. I had a lot of friends. As my pain took more of my focus I stopped working, stopped my political activies and stopped PTA. It wasn’t all at once but over several years. I still had a few friends and occasionally went out. Then after King Ben was born I was a bit more social. Gotta show off the cute baby, right?! We knew things weren’t “normal” probably as early as one year. Unfortunately the pediatrician we had said he couldn’t be tested for autism until he was three. He was almost four before we received any support. Anyway, the few friends I still had either couldn’t/wouldn’t understand The King or they got tired of me being unavailable or having to cancel. So here we are now, I’m exhausted most of the time from my fibromyalgia and taking care of Ben, which is why I rarely post on my blog also. I do go to the occasional concert or art show with one of my daughters but that’s it. I suppose I should feel sad but I don’t. If I want to interact with someone besides my daughters I can always go on social media. I’m sure I’m not the only friendless person that is content with their own company.