Domestic Abuse

I lived with domestic abuse. Today marks nine years of freedom from the abuser. I wrote about it last year.

(https://kingbensgrandma.wordpress.com/2016/07/14/real-independence-day/)

Even after nine years I can be triggered by, amongst other things, the smell of cheap booze on someone’s breath, certain songs and anger; especially anger. Thankfully, flashbacks are rare.

I’m thankful for nine years of living abuse free. I wish it had been possible and safe to end the relationship earlier.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, please know that there are alternatives. There is help. You’re not alone and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Here’s the link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline

(http://www.thehotline.org)

 

 

16 thoughts on “Domestic Abuse

  1. Congratulations on getting out of that situation. It’s not easy to take that first step but once you do it’s so liberating. I imagine that’s a huge weight lifted off of you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Congratulations for being free from that situation. It must be a wonderful feeling to be able to think and feel your thoughts without retribution. We have seen the wake of destruction it leaves on lives and the difficulty for people to free themselves of it.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. We hear you. We mean this with all respect intended but look at the character and strength it built in you. You are a strong woman and can lead others by example because you survived. You now can be that light on a hill that others can only see dimly from where they are.

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        1. Thank you! Yes, that’s why I post about it. I want others to know there’s no shame and that there is happiness & healing beyond the abuse. I’m definitely open to helping anyone in an abusive relationship get out, and get out safely.

          Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing this. So proud of your bravery in beginning again.😘 I have dealt with some of that myself, though it took me years after my ex left me pregnant with our 3rd before feeling more fully disentangled. He had this way of dropping in and out of our lives for years on HIS terms, staying with his girlfriend, making babies with her (while lying about their birth), yet holding out on an actual divorce, acting on the occasional whim to remember his other kids and throw them a bone or a child support payment. But, who knew when he’d give any of us the time of day again? There was never any stability, something hard on any kid, let alone kids on the spectrum. I really let him manipulate the situation too long. He had me convinced I was worthless. After much therapy, soul-searching, and seeing all I could do on my own, I finally realized what a God-given blessing it was that he walked away. I could stand up and be my own person. The day I finally let him know he could take his lackadaisacal attempts at fatherhood and shove them, it felt so good.He relinquished his parental rights, my husband adopted the kids and we have not looked back. Been 3 glorious years since we set eyes on their bio dad. πŸ˜€Now…my current marriage has had its strains, too, honestly, but I am learning a lot of it is respective PTSD(he had his own hell he survived) and two different versions of autism. The more we gain in understanding of ourselves and each other, the smoother things are becoming, thankfully. Sorry to write a novel here, but it is a subject I feel very much about. Again, so proud of you!!!πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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    1. Thank you, thank you!!
      There’s no way it would have worked if he hadn’t left the state. He would have found us & tormented us. Similar to the things your ex did but drunken rages. I never expected any money from him & it’s good I didn’t because he never paid a dime. We’re actually still married πŸ˜‚ I’m not paying for the divorce. I don’t plan to ever marry again so it doesn’t matter to me.
      I’m glad you’re in a better relationship. He sounds awesome, willing to adopt your kids. Growing & learning & healing together will make you guys stronger. Thanks for sharing your story, no worries about the length. It’s good to let other people know that there is an alternative to staying in an abusive relationship. There’s so much shame in it & that needs to stop.πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸŒ βœ¨πŸŒˆπŸ’«πŸ’žπŸŒΊπŸ’πŸŒΌπŸ˜˜

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  4. You are so welcome!πŸ’™ I am glad you escaped him continuing to torment you. Being stuck in the same town with my ex for years did make it tough some days. And very much relate. That was a major reason the divorce took so long for us. I wasn’t going to pay for it. He finally decided he was ready after stringing everyone along for 3 years. ( I think it was more his girlfriend’s idea. She’d just had *their* third child and was ready to make things legal.) And thank you. Yes, my husband is an amazing man. He has been an incredibly hands-on dad. It’s a balancing act figuring out how each other works at times, but it’s worth it. Always happy to let people know there is life beyond abuse. ☺☺❀❀❀❀

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  5. So glad you got you and your daughters out of that situation. That took a lot of strength and courage and I am so happy you found it and left. You are helping others now, find their voice and their way. That is wonderful. So happy for you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! One of the things that finally motivated me was the thought that I was teaching my daughters that it was okay to be treated that way. My hope is that others can take courage and hope from my story. Life is easier now for sure.
      Now I only get yelled at by Ben😜

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  6. My Dearest Cosmic Sister, I’m so sorry that happened to you, and so relieved that you’re out from under that.πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ. I admire your strength and wisdom. πŸ’ͺπŸΌπŸ’Ÿ. And thank you so much for writing about this! You never know whose lives you’re going to save because of these posts πŸ˜˜πŸ’–πŸ’ͺπŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌβ˜―πŸ’ŸπŸŒˆπŸ’•πŸ’πŸŒ·πŸ€πŸŒŽπŸŒœπŸŒπŸŒ›β˜„β˜„βœ¨πŸ’«πŸ’ŒπŸ’“πŸ’žβ£

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  7. 9 years of freedom (relatively speaking – I understand PTSD lingers) – inspirational to hear from survivors, it gives hope to the rest of us – much love xx

    Like

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