I’m so freakin tired of being frustrated and angry all the time. I’m angry because I’m so tired and frustrated. Life has not been pleasant lately.
I’m tired of being hot. I’m tired of constantly sweating. I’m one of those people that sweats rivers. I’m constantly wiping my face and I usually have to change clothes at least once just from normal stuff.
I’m tired of being broke. The financial struggle is ridiculous. I’m on SSDI so there’s nothing I can do to improve my finances. It’s a constant stress. Both my daughters work and we’re still barely making it from payday to payday. This past stretch we ran out of a lot of things. Rolling pennies to get toilet paper is ridiculous!
I’m tired of never having any time for myself. Or by myself for that matter. Summer school is over. It was only three hours a day anyway and there was always some errand that needed to be run while he was at school. Or I’m driving my younger daughter to work at her summer job at a touristy shop at the beach. Not only idiot drivers, but out of town idiot drivers. My older daughter is on FMLA from work until school starts again because I just can’t handle taking care of Ben by myself all day, every day. She’s home but he still follows me around all day.
His schedule is off so he’s extra agitated and obsessive. He’s been going through a thing where he has to have someone with him all the time. Whatever room he’s in, we have to be there. If he wants to play in the backyard, we have to be there. And the word “No” causes instant problems. He’s whining, he’s screaming, he’s knocking things over, he’s throwing things, he’s hitting, he’s kicking, he’s breaking things. If he thinks you’re angry or frustrated it gets worse.
I’m tired of not getting enough sleep. It’s too hot even at night. Often my younger daughter goes out with her friends and I hear her come home at one or two in the morning. Then I was having to get up at six when my older daughter left for work. That’s if Ben didn’t get the whole house up at three. Now that my daughter is off work I sometimes get to sleep as late as seven.
I’m tired of my pain level being elevated from stress. I’ve had a tension headache for a month. It never goes away. Even with the ridiculous amount of opioids in my body, I have a constant headache.
I’ve been short tempered. I’m snapping at everyone about everything. It’s like PMS only I haven’t had to deal with that mess in over a year except… Surprise!!!… here’s one for old times sake. (TMI, I know) So part of it was PMS. That was weeks ago and I still have zero patience. I’m irritable. I’m frustrated with everyone and everything. I’m a cranky bitch and I hate it! I hate feeling this way! I’m tired of wanting to break things. I’m tired of huffing and puffing around. I see my daughters tip toe around me and that makes me angry. I’m tired of Ben kicking the bathroom door yelling “Grandma get out” every time I go in there.
I’m trying to focus on positives. Sometimes I have to look really hard to find anything positive. I say positive things to myself, out loud. Over and over sometimes, several times a day. I have to get out of this…whatever it is. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way.