Sick and Tired

I’m so freakin tired of being frustrated and angry all the time. I’m angry because I’m so tired and frustrated. Life has not been pleasant lately.

I’m tired of being hot. I’m tired of constantly sweating. I’m one of those people that sweats rivers. I’m constantly wiping my face and I usually have to change clothes at least once just from normal stuff.

I’m tired of being broke. The financial struggle is ridiculous. I’m on SSDI so there’s nothing I can do to improve my finances. It’s a constant stress. Both my daughters work and we’re still barely making it from payday to payday. This past stretch we ran out of a lot of things. Rolling pennies to get toilet paper is ridiculous!

I’m tired of never having any time for myself. Or by myself for that matter. Summer school is over. It was only three hours a day anyway and there was always some errand that needed to be run while he was at school. Or I’m driving my younger daughter to work at her summer job at a touristy shop at the beach. Not only idiot drivers, but out of town idiot drivers. My older daughter is on FMLA from work until school starts again because I just can’t handle taking care of Ben by myself all day, every day. She’s home but he still follows me around all day.

His schedule is off so he’s extra agitated and obsessive. He’s been going through a thing where he has to have someone with him all the time. Whatever room he’s in, we have to be there. If he wants to play in the backyard, we have to be there. And the word “No” causes instant problems. He’s whining, he’s screaming, he’s knocking things over, he’s throwing things, he’s hitting, he’s kicking, he’s breaking things. If he thinks you’re angry or frustrated it gets worse.

I’m tired of not getting enough sleep. It’s too hot even at night. Often my younger daughter goes out with her friends and I hear her come home at one or two in the morning. Then I was having to get up at six when my older daughter left for work. That’s if Ben didn’t get the whole house up at three. Now that my daughter is off work I sometimes get to sleep as late as seven.

I’m tired of my pain level being elevated from stress. I’ve had a tension headache for a month. It never goes away. Even with the ridiculous amount of opioids in my body, I have a constant headache.

I’ve been short tempered. I’m snapping at everyone about everything. It’s like PMS only I haven’t had to deal with that mess in over a year except… Surprise!!!… here’s one for old times sake. (TMI, I know) So part of it was PMS. That was weeks ago and I still have zero patience. I’m irritable. I’m frustrated with everyone and everything. I’m a cranky bitch and I hate it! I hate feeling this way! I’m tired of wanting to break things. I’m tired of huffing and puffing around. I see my daughters tip toe around me and that makes me angry. I’m tired of Ben kicking the bathroom door yelling “Grandma get out” every time I go in there.

I’m trying to focus on positives. Sometimes I have to look really hard to find anything positive. I say positive things to myself, out loud. Over and over sometimes, several times a day. I have to get out of this…whatever it is. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way.

 

21 thoughts on “Sick and Tired

  1. “We gotta get out of this place
    If its the last thing we ever do
    We gotta get out of this place
    Girl, there’s a better life for me and you” ๐ŸŒ„ ๐ŸŒ โ›„ โ„๏ธ๐Ÿ’ ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ€

    I was going to post this song in my next post, it seems we could all use a break and get out of the heat, stress and whatever that is making us tired ๐Ÿ˜‚

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    1. Great song and perfect lyrics! Where oh where is that Mother Ship?? Where is Scotty to beam us up?๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ‘พ๐Ÿ™€๐ŸŒŒ๐Ÿš€๐Ÿ›ฐ๐ŸŒ 
      I always hesitate before posting stuff like this but I know other people are going through similar crap and it *does* help knowing we’re not alone.
      ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿพ๐Ÿˆ

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  2. Oh my dear, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better! But I fear that anything I could say would only make you think “she has no idea what it’s like” (true) or possibly “yeah, been there, tried that, doesn’t work”.
    I’ll try anyway, if I say something stupid you can stop reading โ˜บ๏ธ
    Is there any way you could maximise the effect you get from any minute to get to yourself? Even if it’s just a minute, this minute is yours and yours alone, to close your eyes and drift away on a little cloud โ˜๏ธ and even if that cloud hits the ground with a bump a moment later, perhaps there will be another one an hour later?
    Anyway, enough with the useless advice, have some of these: ๐Ÿ’–๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ˜˜๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿค—๐ŸŸ๐Ÿ (fish to make you think of cool water ๐Ÿ’ฆ๐ŸŒŠ)

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    1. No words or gestures of kindness are EVER stupid and they are ALWAYS appreciated! I’ve been trying to do exactly what you suggested. Holding on to any little *good* thing like a lifeline. I feel like I’m climbing an oiled glass slope but I *am* climbing it. Fishies and water are perfect! The ocean is my “sacred” place. If I can’t get my body there right now at least I can send my mind. Thanks for the reminder ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ–๐Ÿ๐ŸŒ…๐ŸŒˆโœจ๐Ÿ”†โ˜ฎ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’Ÿ

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  3. I feel for you. Physical pain triggers anger in me as well. Have you tried meditation? I am a firm believer in manifesting your future. In order to manifest what you want, though, you have to be able to focus on what you want as though you are already living it. There is a very real body/mind connection and we often displace emotions in our body (thereby causing physical pain). Dr. Joe Dispenza has several books on the mind/body connection. I recommend You Are The Placebo.

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    1. The library doesn’t have The Placebo and the other books by Dr Dispenza are checked out๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜• I did notice a couple of YouTube videos so I’m going to check those out. Thank you for the suggestion. ๐Ÿ•Šโ˜ฎ๐Ÿ‘ฃ๐Ÿ–๐Ÿฌ๐ŸŒท๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŒป๐ŸŒด

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  4. Dearest Dude Ever, as you know, I totally feel you! Omg the heat, the penny-rolling, the idiot drivers, the whole bit. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m so sorry it’s lasting so long. It especially sucks when there are no easy answers and no surefire strategies. I’m right there with you, girl, and I know we’re not alone. My Chameleon Dreaming friend is right there with us, too. It can be totally overwhelming. If I were there right now I’d give you a big gentle hug, and we could hang out and watch House ๐Ÿ˜ You’re in my thoughts multiple times a day, and I’m pulling for you, cheering you on. We’ll get through this journey, and you always have a “travel”-mate ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’Ÿโ˜ฎ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผโ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’›๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿฒ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ€๐ŸŒŽ๐Ÿ’ซ๐ŸŒ›๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒœโœจ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿš€๐ŸŒŒ๐ŸŒˆ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’Œ๐Ÿ’•โ™“๏ธโ™๏ธโฃ

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    1. Hugs, House and junk food! Since we all live in different states maybe after school starts again (for those of us with little monsters, I mean angels) we can plan a “virtual” get together. The WP clan of cranky, tired hermits๐Ÿ‘ฝ๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ˜‚
      Thank you, as always, for your hugs and support! I’m eternally grateful to the cosmos for putting you in my life!โ˜ฎโ˜ฏโœจ๐Ÿ€๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

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      1. Omg that would rock the free world!! I’m down for that! Maybe like Skype or something? Or Google Hangouts? Or something else? Just say the word! ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’—. I’m jinxed with technology but sometimes the jinxmaster looks the other way ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ’Ÿโ˜ฎ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ

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  5. Oh, man, do I know! I share some very similar struggles, especially financially, feeling short-tempered, never being alone. ( adore my kids, but feeling ready for school in some ways) It’s especially hard when you feel stuck, a feeling I know all too well. I wish I had great answers. I am just hanging on a bit at a time, doing what I can, and trying to be kind to myself in the process. Lots of hugs and prayers for you, dear friend. We’ll all just keep stepping together as best we can. ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜

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    1. Hugs and prayers are ALWAYS welcome and appreciated! I know that this funk will eventually pass but you’re right, the *stuck* part is very hard.
      School starts again in less than a month(not that I’m counting days or anything ๐Ÿ˜‰) so that’s something to look forward to. I get a settlement check every October so there’s another light on the horizon. In the meantime we’ll just keep sending the hugs, prayers and positive energy around to each other.๐Ÿ•Š๐ŸŒท๐Ÿ€โœจ๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ˜ป๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’˜๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’Ÿ

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  6. We are so sorry for the pain and difficulty you are experiencing right now. We wish there was something we could say that would, if only for a moment, lift the trial. What we can say is our prayers will be on you and your family that this storm passes quickly.

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      1. It is nice knowing our videos, pictures and words of concern and prayer can afford you some relief from the struggles that are hitting you right now. We sure do enjoy you being with us on our journey’s.

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  7. Gosh, that all sounds so absolutely overwhelming. I wish I were closer to help you. Sending a great big air hug. Thinking of you, hoping you find some pain free peace and good feelings.

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    1. It seems to hit every summer. Ben being home full time is hard for him and hard for us. The heat and high pressure really affect him too. We’ve got some friends with a swimming pool so we’re going to try that out. We’re also going to try the beach. He hated it when he was little but maybe he’ll like it now. Having his mama off work means we can leave the house. He’s too big for me to handle by myself and I’m terrified of him running off.
      I think a happier King Ben would reduce a lot of the overall stress.
      Thank you as always for your support. I know you understand how overwhelming it can be.๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’Œ

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I was thinking about the heat, the humidity and when you said summer school was over, that is a lot! Thankfully we have one more week before Declan is done. I hope the pool and beach work out! Declan loves the pool. He spends a lot of time in the water, and I think it helps relax him the rest of the day. I hope you and Ben find the same relief! Thinking of you, sending you good thoughts!

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  8. I’m so sorry things are difficult for you at the moment. Stress and heat and pain all combined, with no end in sight – what a nasty situation! When you have no control over your situation, exercising control in how you face it is at least some control. It sounds like you’re doing that admirably. Venting and yet still being positive, well done you! I shall hope for cooler weather at least!

    Love to all. X

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