A few weeks ago I got a random text from my brother. He tells me that he and his girlfriend were messing around on Facebook and found our Bio-Father. Not only did he find him, he contacted him and has been texting back and forth for a few days. My brother then tells me that our Bio-Father would like to talk to me too and gives me his number.
Whoa! Our parents divorced when I was three. My mother was still pregnant with my brother when the divorce happened. Our Bio-Father went back to Kansas, got married again and had two more sons. He would occasionally call and talk to me and my brother. His calls were always filled with statements of love and promises of gifts to be mailed. I used to wait everyday for the mailman after one of those calls. Nothing ever came.
When I was 8 years old I was sent in a car with some relatives I’d never met to Kansas to visit my Bio-Father for a few weeks. His new wife didn’t like my mother and wasn’t kind to me. I don’t remember anything about my Bio-Father from that visit so I’m thinking I didn’t spend very much time with him.
My mother met and married (and later divorced) a wonderful man a few years later. This man, my stepfather, became my Dad. He will always be the person I think of as my father.
When I graduated from high school I sent an announcement to my Bio-Father. We started writing letters. His were full of remorse and love and the hope that we could have a relationship. I told him of all my pain from his absence and empty promises. I told him I didn’t think I needed to subject myself to that again.
Until I got the text from my brother I hadn’t heard anything more about or from him.
I can’t decide whether to contact him or not. I don’t have the hurt or the anger anymore but I don’t have a need for him either. I can understand my brother wanting a relationship. He was never as close with our stepfather and he still has small children that can be grandfathered. Neither of my adult daughters are interested.
I think about the fact that I am the oldest of his four children and his only daughter. I think about how it would be from his perspective. I don’t have any reason to not contact him. I just can’t decide.
Ben is back in school now so I’m able to actually think about this situation and it’s just running circles in my brain. I admit I’m a little curious but I could get information from my brother. My brother tells me that our Bio-Father keeps asking about me so I know he wants contact.
So, my WordPress family….does anyone have any thoughts about this? Another point of view might help me sort this out.
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