I was going to do two different posts. One update on how Ben is doing and one on my Bio-Father. Then I decided I’m tired and lazy so here’s a two-fer update.
~~BEN~~
He’s been back at school a couple weeks now and he’s still having some adjustment issues. He has a new teacher, two of four new aides and a new bus driver. I don’t know if all the changes are really throwing him or if he’s just testing his limits with the new people. He’s been eloping again which is worrying. He had pretty much stopped doing that. His new teacher is great at communicating with us though so we’re working on solutions together. I actually got a phone call from Ben last week. It was his reward for doing his work. He chose calling Grandma over using the tablet. Oh, my heart…
~~BIO-FATHER~~
I did get in contact with him via email. I decided I wasn’t ready for him to have my phone number or to be available for texting. With email, I get to decide when to answer. Anyway, the first email from him was what was expected. Asking for forgiveness, telling me he loves me… I told him I had forgiven him. I don’t know if it’s forgiveness but I don’t hate him or anything. That’s all past. We’ve only exchanged a few emails so far. I still have no expectations but I’m going to have to tread lightly. He wants to make up for all the lost time. He wants to be my Dad, one big happy family. I don’t want to be hurtful but I don’t want him to think I’m “Daddy’s little girl” either. We’ll see how it goes.
So, those are my updates. Thanks again to everyone who helped me survive summer break with Ben and helped me decide what to do about Bio-Father. You guys, gals, folks… Dudes are awesome and I appreciate you all so so much!
King Ben's Grandma 
“He chose calling Grandma over using the tablet.” Aww, that’s sweet. Who said autistics can’t show love and affection. Here’s lots and tons of ❤️ 💛 💚 💙 💜 💕 💞 💓 💗 💖 💘 💝 💌 for you!!!
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It was probably an “expert”(eye roll) that said autistic people don’t show love. Thank you my purrfectly wanderful friend for adding your 💌💌💖! Sending some right back to you!😻😻😻💟💟💌💌💌❤💛💚💙💜💗💓💗💓💗💖💗💘💞💝😍😍😘😘
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It is great knowing you and Ben are facing each day as it comes. What a gift Ben gave you by making a choice for you. As for your father re-entering your life, its all about one day at a time. You are a winner and we see it!
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Awww…thank you😊
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It is an adjustment for sure! My bio dad wanted to go back to when he left (I think more so because that was where he felt healing needed to take place and partly because he’s an alcoholic and that is probably where he left his guilt). It was too much for me, as I no longer needed a father after 20+ years. I just wanted to get to know the man. He was still, very much, an alcoholic and I wasn’t comfortable getting to know the alcoholic. I wanted to know the man. Fast forward another 20 years, he is not able to overcome his alcoholism and I decided it was in my best interest NOT to have a relationship with him. I hope your story brings closure to the pain of the past and hope for a brighter future.
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My daughters are stuck with an alcoholic for a father. My oldest just cut him off completely. My younger tried for a long time to keep some kind of relationship but finally got frustrated dealing with the same nonsense every time they spoke. Maybe they can try again if he can overcome the bottle. I’m sorry you had to go through that. The worst part is there is generally a good person under the booze. Completely cutting them off is sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself. Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for your good wishes!!❤🕊🌼
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Glad to know how things are going! It’s hard adjusting to a lot of new faces. That’s kind of where we are with staff at school, too. But, having good communication will hopefully help. That is so sweet he chose a call to you! You are definitely his special person! 💓 As to bio dad, good for you keeping it on your terms. Best thing you can do for yourself. I continue to hope and pray for the best for you. 😘😘😘😘
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It’s hard for *all* kids (shoot, all people) adjusting to changes. I hope your little ones don’t have it too rough! Bio-Father has promised to send Ben a birthday card. Whether or not he actually does will determine whether I continue to email him. Ben doesn’t know & wouldn’t care but they promises of things in the mail was a real problem for me as a child because those promises were never kept. Thank you for your prayers. They are very much appreciated dear friend 😘😘😘😘😘😘
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Thank you! So far so good. Ah, yes, the promises. Me and the kiddos experienced a lot of broken ones in regards to their bio dad. I think your caution is certainly wise. And you are most welcome, dear friend. Glad to. 😘😘😘😘
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He chose calling you over using his tablet! Oh, gosh that is so sweet! You must be such a huge motivator for him – that is so great 🙂 Thanks for the updates, girl! Been thinking of you! Glad to know Ben is doing well, but sorry to hear about the eloping. Hope that behavior stops soon! I like your thoughts on Bio-Father. Not too close, but not too far. See what happens next. And hey, here comes some cooler weather that I hope takes some physical pain away from you too!
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I want to think he called me out of love but I have a sneaking suspicion that he called because he thought I would come get him. See, he runs to the office and says “call Grandma”. At his last school he would run to the office and start kicking the glass doors so they called me to come get him. They rewarded the eloping. He’s a sly little stinker and I think he’s testing the new teacher and aides to see if he can get his way. Whatever *his* motivation, I love that his teacher is “thinking outside the box” to work with him.
I’ve been thinking about you guys too. Hoping that things are going smoothly for your kiddos. And hoping that you’re enjoying those completely kiddo-free hours. I bet it still doesn’t feel real and you’re not sure what to do😂
Cooler weather can’t come soon enough! It was 108 a couple days ago. 😱
A funny thing about Bio-Father, he volunteers at an equine therapy ranch so he has experience with autistic kiddos. Saves a lot of explaining.
Hugs💌💌🌼🌺🌸🌹
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Ooooohhh – clever little man! We are still in the honeymoon period – lots of love given by teachers, lots of love reciprocated. But no real demands on the kids have been made. We will see, but so far, so good! Does he know about Ben? Okay – sorry – I am sure you have told him about Ben. I am sure this is a lot of transferrence – but my MIL volunteers in the special needs room at her local elementary school with her therapy dog – yet spends maybe a couple of hours with Declan (in a group setting) a year – and she lives 45 minutes away! I just DO NOT understand. Ugghh. Thinking of you! Hugs! 🙂
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My mother lives 1.5 miles from me and we haven’t seen her in a little over a year. She “resents” (her word) that Ben needs so much of my time. That I can’t drop everything and spend time with her. I get your frustration with you MIL. Ben and I don’t need or want people willing to learn, accept and be patient and flexible in our lives.
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Goodness gracious! I just don’t get it. When we needed people the most – the ones I THOUGHT we could count on, are the ones that never showed up or offered any kind of support. Yet will go out and support others. So, you’re right – I don’t make time for those people either.
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You’re persevering and it’s awesome to watch. I worry about who’s got your back–do you have a therapist or IRL support group to engage in some cognitive or verbal support with? It’s so easy to make villains out of agressors in our lives (been there) and then there’s nothing but resentment and stress fueling our stories. We’re all so much more than that.
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Omg I’m so embarrassed that I missed this for so long!! 😳😳😘😘. I love your updates, Dearest Dude!! I’m so glad you’re rolling with the punches! You’re awesome 👍🏼👏🏼😎. Change is hard, whether it’s Ben adjusting to a new teacher or you and your dad trying to figure out where and how you fit together and what kind of relationship you want with him 💜💜. I reckon it might be like writing new computer code of life? 🌺🌺. King Ben is too sweet! An apple from his Grandma’s tree 😘🤗. I admire how you’re going about the bio-dad thing – open minded but with firm boundaries and wise caution. I’m glad he said what he said; I just hope he sincerely means it 💪🏼💚💙💜
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No worries Dearest Dude! You had just a few other things going on when I wrote this😜 a little bit of rain nearby💦💨🌀🌬⛈🌨… something like that.
Actually, I hadn’t realized it’d been so long since I posted. Guess I better get busy and do another update👍😘😘
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Yes yes! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👍🏼🖐🏼😎💜💙💚💝💝☮
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