Aaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!

~ King Ben's Grandma

Catchy title, huh?! It’s an approximation of the sound most often coming out of my mouth. Sigh…

Recently one of my WP crew posted about Highly Sensitive People. (I’d link but haven’t figured that out from my phone. Still no computer or internet) It really got me thinking. Especially lately when I seem to be having more trouble handling The King than anyone else in the house does.

I’m still looking for a doctor who will treat him with cannabis. I’ve done research on the different strains and THC/CBD ratios and edible, oil and other products. I could experiment on my own but I’d much rather have a doctor oversee and advise. The King is only nine after all.

His ADHD is still so out of control. He really just can’t be still for more than a minute or two. He bounces all over the place, paces, grinds his teeth, leaves toys laying around as he’s off to another project and insists on my company wherever he’s at. When he asks for something (he is learning more words and verbalizing more) he repeats it five or six times at least and at top volume. 

The sesitive person thing comes into it because all these things he does makes me feel super agitated. It’s like he imparts to me a sense of extreme urgency that stresses me out. Plus his constant motion and messes, the chaos of it, agitates me too. Him, by himself, makes me feel like I’m in a crowded noisy room. I just want to escape. I just want quiet. I just want some order.

I’ve know I was an Empath for a very long time but this Highly Sensitive thing explains a lot of why my environment can affect me.

I’ve got to find a way to calm myself since Ben seems to prefer me to everyone else. His Mama, his Aunty and his godmother can be in the house but he still follows me around.

Sorry for the rambling nature of this post. It’s been difficult to think coherently lately. He’s got the entire Turkey Day week off from school. I’m trying to rest as much as I can now. It’s going to be tough next week.

Okay, rambling, senseless post over 😜😏

29 thoughts on “Aaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!”

  1. Hah. I guess screams are less annoying and gross than loud, disgusting, grating throat clearing (which is the sound that comes out of my mouth most often these days; gross I know).

    On a serious note, where’s your daughter/King Ben’s mother in all this? Is she doing literally nothing? I mean come on, are you almost single-handedly raising your grandkid? That’s got to be stressful.

    I understand wanting a doctor to supervise treatment with cannabis oil, and I think that’s smart. Whatever happens; good luck.

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    1. My younger daughter does the throat clearing. And the spitting. I’m still learning to tune that out😕
      Ben’s mama is usually glued to her phone playing some zombie game. I envy her ability to completely tune him out. She does try to distract him when she’s sees I’m about to snap but he winds up back with me. So, yeah, in a house full of people it’s mostly me.

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  2. This is a tough thing. All around and in every aspect of course when there is a child involved. But I have so much admiration for you keeping your cool as an HSP. I got twitches of anxiety when you mentioned the extreme urgency. It’s a certain tone…something, and you jump. Your nervous system jumps, everything jumps. It leaves literally zero time to process anything auditory let alone disturbances by physical movement or any other sensory intake. I’m not sure how you’re doing it but I know that you are. There’s a million other things I could relate with this but I think your self awareness is such a positive in being able to take care of him and yourself!

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      1. You’re so welcome, really. I admire you for so much of what I read here. I look at it through the frame of the huge challenges my daughters have presented and faced, while having my own struggles at the same time…having to get through for everyone. I get this. And I’m here.

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  4. btw, if you tap the molecule looking icon a screen should scroll up with Sharing Options. I just copy to clipboard, then I can navigate to where I’m trying to put the link. Press and hold in any text field to paste.
    If you click the chain icon in your post editor, it will give you options to add a hyperlink. That way, it can appear in your post as, say John, underlined in blue and when a reader clicks it, will be taken to John’s blog.
    Hope that helps!

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  5. Oh my gosh, I feel (some of) your pain! Declan and Catelyn are both screamers – if I do not go fast enough, if I don’t get EVERYTHING they are asking for RIGHT AWAY. And there is no space. I put the kids to bed at 8:30. The Cate comes down and follows me around until 10. Declan is getting me up in the wee hours of the morning. I just need space, but there is no space. Or calm. I would like calm. The WHOLE WEEK? Ermegersh – that sounds like a challenge ahead. I really hope the marijuana thing works out for him at some point. I have seen such positive things on the news and such about it. Glad to hear he is talking more! Hoping you can find some peace and time for yourself – especially with the WEEK (!) ahead. 🙂

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    1. I was wondering why I was losing my cool so much but that HSP info made me feel a lot better. It doesn’t give me the space or calm I need either but at least I don’t feel so bad about myself.
      I’m getting to the point where it’s just so ridiculous that I’m laughing. Which is good. I hope I can hold onto that. Luckily we’re ditching the family turkey day farce. That takes some stress away for sure.
      💌💌💌

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      1. I know what you mean – sometimes I shake my head at myself and my reactions to things (especially the kids). But when I read that info, I felt like it all made sense!
        Oh, that is great. We are going to my husband’s family for the big event. They are the “he’s fine” family and “you are just trying to get attention” group. Would love to skip! Thinking of you guys!

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  6. Oh my dear, I feel for you! I find even being around my nieces stressful, and they are just being kids without any added autism or ADHD (that I know of). I love them dearly, but there is a limit to the time I can spend with them. I don’t know how you do it, AND still write posts that actually make perfect sense.

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  7. I hear you, Spirit Sister 😘😘. You’re in a tough spot, and have every right to howl a rebel yell 💞💞. I admire your strength, what it takes to get through each day as gracefully as you do! The cannabis thing would be too cool! I hope you find a knowledgeable doc soon! I’d offer you any suggestions I have but alas, I have none 😘. You did beautifully on your post! You deserve a lot of credit; give yourself a pat on the back for me! 🙌🏼👏🏼👍🏼💗🌺🌈🚀💌🌷🌺💖💚💙💜🌟⚔🍀🌹🌸🌻🌴🐉🐾🐒🐛🦄✨☄🍭🍹🏆🎤🎳🌠🔮🎈🎁

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    1. We’ll get through all these dag nabbit challenges. Life keep dishing out the poopies and we’ll just keep dragging each other through it!
      Can’t pat myself on the back cuz my rotator cuff is still messed up from my over-enthusiastic fist pump six months ago. I’m a mess!😕😯

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      1. Awww 😘💐💞. Ok I’ll give you a gentle virtual back-pat for you 😉😘💖💖. Life really does dish it out, doesn’t it?? Omg like how much is one person supposed to take? But here we are! I’m not sure if I would be nearly as coherent as you if I were in your shoes 😘💗💗😎🙌🎇🌷💜💙

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        1. Thanks for the pat Dearest Dude 😘
          I think if life suddenly got easy I’d be terrified. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Terrified or incredibly bored. 😕
          I don’t think it’s going to happen though so…onward.💪💫🌟🌈💌💌

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  10. You need to scream sometimes – even if it’s only on paper or phone screen. Writing and sharing your feelings will hopefully help you let off some steam. You are doing an amazing job and the relationship you have with your grandson is very special. Don’t forget to try and make some time for you, if you can. I know it is difficult, it might even seem impossible, but you do need a quiet hour here and there when you put yourself first and replenish those reserves. 🙂

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  11. I don’t understand so much of this narrative. You have a severely autistic grandson and you seem to be his only caretaker, despite your debilitating illnesses. Meanwhile, your two grown children and a goddaughter are often in your home and provide no meaningful support or parentage or any example of adult Support. You mention video games and distractions. Where do they get off? How is this okay? There is a special place in hell for women like that, who force their critically ill mother to care for a child without pulling their weight.

    What heinous evil afoot in your home.

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