The Big Five-Oh

Hey WordPress Family!

I had a kind of post holiday crash. I’m really good at holding things together in the middle of chaos but as soon as there’s the tiniest slack, I crumble. So, after I made it through the holidays, both daughter’s birthdays and the IEP I was done. I was feeling completely overwhelmed. So I did what I always do. I withdrew into my books. I’ve probably read about twenty-five books in the past month. I read fast and some of them were fairly easy reads. I found a series that had me laughing. Seriously, laughing out loud. A few times I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. Ok, TMI, I know. Thank you to those of you that reached out to me privately to check on me. Your care and concern are appreciated more than I can say!

I’d like to say I’m completely rested and ready to jump back in and go full speed. I’d really like to say that, but it would be a lie. Unplugging, not going online, did give me a break from the world but I still had to deal with the daily dramas in our house.

Anyway, I’ve missed you all and I’ll be trying to catch up with everything I’ve missed.

Now, on to the title of this post. Tomorrow is my fiftieth birthday and it’s kind of shocking to me. How can I possibly be fifty?! I’m not sad or depressed or feeling any way negative about it. It just doesn’t seem possible.

It first hit me a couple weeks ago. I got a junk mail letter with no clear marking of who it was from, but printed on the front was something about birthday savings. I figured it was coupons or something from some mailing list I hadn’t avoided. I opened it up and it was an offer to join AARP at a discounted price. AARP?! Seriously? I showed my daughter with my bottom lip out and a booboo face and told her I’m officially old now. I was laughing but I also started to tear up. The tears just made it funnier. I just couldn’t see myself as belonging in their target group. They sent me another offer yesterday. This one offered me a tote bag with membership. Wow! A tote bag…eye roll.

I guess I have this idea in my head of middle age, grandparents, A-A-R-freakin P, and being “over the hill” as something from a TV show from the 50s or 60s, maybe Aunt Bea from Andy Griffith. Maybe that’s where the disconnect comes from.

I don’t feel so much like a grandparent because, in the traditional sense, I’m not. I am actively co-parenting King Ben and both of my daughters still live with me. I’ve been actively parenting for almost thirty years. Another number that’s seems like it can’t be true.

One thing about being fifty that makes me really happy is that it’s an easy number to remember. The past few years whenever I’ve been asked my age, I’ve had to pause and think about it. Fifty won’t get lost in the Fibro Fog.

I don’t really think of myself as any age. I’m just me. I was often told when I was a child that I was/had an “old soul”. I had no idea what that meant but the adults seemed to think it was good and they let me hang around so I just went with it.

My body definitely doesn’t work as well as it used to but I’ve had fibromyalgia for over fifteen years so I don’t expect it to work.

I’ve got quite a few wrinkles on my face but they’re mostly from smiling and laughing. I’ll wear them proudly.

I’ve got some grey hair but also blonde and red and some brown too so I have no idea when the grey started coming in. My hair has always been weird, just like me. I’m thinking of adding some royal blue and purple streaks just for fun.

I’ve got friends in all different age ranges from twenties to seventies. The only time age difference really comes up is when the younger don’t have the knowledge/memories of the things that happened when they were little or before they were born.

All in all I’m pretty happy about being fifty. I’m pretty happy to have survived all the things that have happened to me. I’m still not going to join AARP though.