I Think I Can

Summer break is nearing the end. We’re down to single digits. As of today (Thank you Rory!) only nine days to go until that (say it with me) glorious little yellow school bus comes and takes Ben off to school and gives me the gift of alone time.

It’s the time alone I crave. Sure, I miss the naps I take on the mornings I get bounced at 2:00am but what I really want is to be alone. It’s bad enough that Zeus the Big Dumb Dog is my permanent shadow and must follow me every place I go. Like a shadow sometimes he’s behind me, sometimes he’s in front of me, but he’s always ALWAYS next to me. Now I’ve also got Ben following me everywhere. He bangs on the bathroom door if I’m in there more than a minute. Even after his Mama wakes up and comes out of her room to take over, Zeus and Ben follow me.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be loved. It’s wonderful that my company is sought after, but I need a break. By the time Ben and Zeus are behind the closed door of his bedroom (yes, he sleeps in Auntie’s former room now. Mama is thrilled to have her own room.) I’m so tired and brain-fried that I’m in zombie mode. I eat, read a little, see Older Daughter off to work then pass out hoping I get more than three hours sleep before it all starts again. Oh yeah, I also try to convince Sophie kitty that while I may look like a piece of furniture, I’m not that comfortable to lay on and yes, her claws do in fact hurt.

NEVER alone.

Older Daughter took some vacation days off work to “help with Ben”. I put it in quotes because I think she just wanted time off work, which is fine, but don’t say you’re going to “help” with your son then spend the whole time binging Netflix. She was off work last night and I still got bounced at 4:30am. She rolled out at 6:30am. I know… I know… I should have woken her up, but what’s the point?! Ben would just follow me to my room anyway. It is actually better for my attitude if I just figure I’ve got Ben Duty. If I figure she’s got it, that she’ll handle his needs, wants, demands and try to relax, I get super cranky when he comes to me to open a juice or tape something or whatever.

So, everyone home for the next six days and eight days from tomorrow (Sunday) I’llΒ  get some space. In keeping with the train theme, (yes, Thomas is still on repeat) I’m going to be The Little Engine That Could and keep telling myself that I can get through these remaining days without my head exploding.

I think I can, I think I can…


(featured image Pixabay)

29 thoughts on “I Think I Can

  1. Have you seen the film – Tully (2018) – written by Diablo Cody, inspired by her own experience of being exhausted by the beautiful burden of caring, loving and being loved, and having no alone time.

    Take good care of yourself, Angie πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haven’t seen Tully. I really haven’t seen ANY (except Happy and Dave Made a Maze) TV or movies in a long, long time. When its quiet at night, after Ben is asleep, I relish that quiet. Plus my tired brain wouldn’t be able to follow anything more complicated than a Roadrunner cartoon.
      After the new routine is in place I’ll be able to look at these recommendations from you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. 🚌 Vroom in 9 days!!! Oh, Angie… I can almost hear your internal clocks ticking until that day arrives. What is up with your daughter that she is on vacation and barely does a thing with her own son? Granted she works, but damn! Ben is her responsibility. Grandma deserves the vacation!!! Seriously, when does Ben actually spend time with your daughter?
    Zeus… Some dogs just need company all the time. Maybe once Ben goes off to school, the dog will relax too, therefore start giving you a break as well. (Hopefully)
    πŸš‚9 more days of “I think I can, I think I can.” You’ve made it this far… I have faith in you, Angie! You can do it!!! πŸ™πŸ€žπŸ‘πŸ‘ŒπŸ€™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Sweetie! I know you’ll be there keeping me giggling.πŸ’ŒπŸ˜

      Older Daughter is kind of a selfish person. I love her and there are many wonderful things about her, but there are also things I really dont like. I can’t change her though. Not my job, even if I wanted it. She’s 30 years old. She has to figure out her own life. In any other issue I’d step back and let it play out. I can’t and won’t do that with Ben. He needs someone, and if she’s not going to step up then I have to. He’s just a kid and a kid that’s autistic to boot. He deserves time, love and patience.

      Puffing and steaming along… I’ll make it! Then collapse in a heap probably πŸ€ͺπŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hate it when I hit send prematurely… Duh! That should have made you giggle for sure. πŸ™„ I should be wearing my Dunce Cap today!
        Ben is extremely fortunate to have a grandmother like you, especially if his own mother won’t step up to the plate. (That is just so wrong on so many levels). 😑
        Again… You’re obviously the best choice in taking care of him. You are loving, patient, and you are so involved with him. I applaud you!!! πŸ€—

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Premature expressing? exclaiming? (I’m looking for another word for ‘pressing send’ that sounds like….ya knowπŸ˜‰) πŸ˜‚also, thank you for giving me the claps (applauding me)πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£

          Okay, I’m done. Sleep deprivation and a twisted sense of humor can be a dangerous combination.πŸ€ͺ😎

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Blimey Angie, it’s a nightmare – Suze has similiar problems with Scrappy at present, ultra ultra clingy, and can totally relate, well we both can to the no door shutt rule especially with the likes of toilet and shower times. Suze gets Scrappy from 5.30am in the morning, but like you she canna get no sleep for love nor money. You have our uttermost sympathy – but the 26th is rolling on in closer and closer by the day πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really do look forward to that number every day. Especially since I can’t remember what day of the week it is lately. So thank you again!

      It’s never boring, that’s for sure. Just now they’re both on the bed with me. Zeus was snoring away and Ben has his tablet. Ben suddenly grabs one of Zeus’s tennis balls and throws it out the door, nudges the snoring mass of dog and tells him to get the ball. I had to laugh at Zeus’s confused look as he stumble stepped off the bed to look for the ball. I know that feeling of “wha huh?”πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my goodness I can relate – to my shadows and to the thought that I would just rather accept that I have the duty than to assume (for me, my husband) has EVERYTHING under control and not passed out on the couch while D keeps coming to me for all the little needs which is where I get WAY more cranky. One week, one week, one week – ALMOST there!!!!! You got this, girl!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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