Almost Wiped Out

~ King Ben's Grandma

I’ve commented a lot recently on other blogs about my recent state of mind. I have been calling it my Zen Wave, meaning I am like a surfer riding a wave of peace and serenity.

My life hasn’t suddenly gotten easier, but my reactions seem to have smoothed out. I haven’t been getting as upset lately. At first, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I decided that was ridiculous and that I was just gonna ride the wave.

Today, I almost wiped out.

A little backstory info… Older daughter works the overnight shift at a skilled nursing facility (formally known as nursing homes). Most of the patients are short term, just out of the hospital, they’re generally stable. They need a little bit of physical therapy after a surgery, stroke, fall etc…  A good number of these short term patients don’t need any extra help or therapy, they are homeless, and since hospitals cannot release someone to the street, they send them to the skilled nursing facilities.

Okay, to keep from going further down that tangent, let’s just say that older daughter is not happy in her job right now. Her patients treat her like a waitress and some are verbally and physically abusive. She’s also tired from not getting proper sleep. She’s spinning down into depression land. She’s not doing the things at home she should be doing.

She was off work Monday night and Tuesday night. Theoretically I should have been able to sleep in, or at least stay in bed Tuesday morning and this morning. Ben came and bounced me Tuesday at 5am and I just got up with him. I got him ready for school, packed his lunch and backpack… all of the usual things. She put him on the bus.

Today, I stayed in bed. He had gotten in bed with me, but I dozed and let her handle all of the morning stuff.

Now we’re up to where I almost wiped out. She wasnt watching the time and the bus was waiting when she hurried out the front door. This is after school. Ben comes in and does all the things he always does when he gets home… turn the TV on, start the movie, put it on repeat, grab his tablet… wait, no tablet. I hear him trying to get her attention, asking for his tablet, and she’s not answering.

I got up and went to see what was going on, why she wasnt answering him. She was furiously writing in his “Communication Book”, which is just a notebook of blank, lined paper for the teacher and us to write notes back and forth.

First, I get his tablet for him, open his bag of popcorn and get him a juice. I’m wondering what happened at school to make her sit down and furiously write back to the teacher before Ben is even settled. So, I asked.

She tells me that Ben took a toy gun to school today. OH SHIT!

I’m wondering how it happened? I’m wondering if she looked in his backpack? I’m wondering how in the world she didn’t notice he was taking the toy gun with him?  I don’t say any of these things because recriminations wouldn’t do any good. Instead, I asked what the teacher said. Obviously it was “dont let Ben bring toy guns to school”. This could have been so bad! We’re very lucky that he’s not in a mainstream school and that his teacher and the staff are so understanding. But this could have been so bad.

Daughter goes back to work tonight (Wednesday) so I’ll be getting Ben ready the next two mornings. That just takes care of the symptom of the larger problem. I shouldn’t be Ben’s primary caregiver, but the job falls on me most of the time. Ben comes to me first most of the time. He even tells her to “go away” sometimes. I can see that it hurts her, so I try to encourage him to seek her out. I also send him to her because I need a break once in a while.

Things are feeling a bit bumpy. My Zen Wave isn’t as smooth as it has been. I’m hoping things will smooth out again.

I’m hoping that today was a wakeup call for daughter to pay attention to her responsibilities. I understand depression, but if she refuses to seek treatment or try to do anything different, I’m going to be less understanding, less accommodating. I have my own mental health to look after.

 

47 thoughts on “Almost Wiped Out”

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  5. I totally get this scenario. Kids, even those who are parents can delegate too much of their duties to their parents. And I can see how difficult it would be for you to tell her that. It has to be a gradual transfer of duties. I think for you to be woken so early must be playing havoc with your sleep patterns. Hope you can work this out. To free some space and time for yourself too.

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    1. Thanks Sadje! With older daughter any advice or perceived criticism has to come sideways. If I confront her head-on, she’ll just act like a stubborn mule and dig her heels in, so to speak. She’s especially sensitive about her parenting (aren’t we all) so I’m going to have to choose my words and timing carefully.

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  7. Tough times! I hope things change for your daughter and for you. The toy gun at school – eek! I have Halloween props I am hiding each morning. There is a bloody knife around here that I am trying to get outside, out of mind and hopefully to the trash. He just won’t forget it! Thinking of you and hoping you get some sort of break soon!

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    1. Thanks Robyn🤗 Every morning he’s looking around for one more thing to take with him🙄 it’s a habit I wish we could break. We let him take his favorite stuffed “friends” and the school is fine with that but hats, masks, all his chalk… they’re distracting and he’s distracted enough.
      And with the gun violence and school shootings… yeah… it could have been so bad for Ben and us! If he’d lost his place at this school, or been suspended. We’re lucky it’s not a mainstream school, he’s technically in 6th grade, middle school age🙊
      I almost wiped out, but I’m still riding the wave🏄‍♀️. Never a dull moment…

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  9. Oh, Angie… You most certainly need a break, but you’re right. This (I hope for your sake and Ben’s) is a wake-up call for your daughter. The relationship between her and Ben is not a healthy one if he is constantly going to you.
    Job or no job, Ben is her responsibility.
    OMG! A toy gun brought to school could have lead to him being told to stay home for a few days. Thank goodness, that didn’t happen.
    I certainly hope your daughter got a wake-up call.
    For that matter,I hope you get your proper rest as well. 💗

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    1. Thank you Beckie😍 I can guarantee he didnt take any unauthorized toys to school today👍 Poor little guy is having a rough time with this weather and its causing problems at school, then taking a toy he cant play with made it worse. And you’re right, he could have been suspended or even expelled…this is a “non-public” school. We had to wait for a spot to open for him. I would hate if he couldn’t go there anymore.

      Younger daughter called me to come get her right after Ben left this morning. Her partner basically told her to get out. So now I have younger daughter here and older daughter is putting on her “helpful” role. 🙄 I just want to sleep and not be hot🥵
      Stay tuned for the next installment of Life At Casa Cuckoo 🖥👀🍿

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      1. OMG! Angie… I wish there was something I could do to alleviate these problems you are going through.
        Any relief in sight with the weather? Did younger daughter bring her beloingings back with her?
        Maybe with both daughter present, they might be able to help with Ben, in order for you to get soooooo much needed rest.
        Back to the school… Maybe they didn’t go to the extreme of expelling because of his illness. I’m sure they must have realized it was a toy. Thank goodness it didn’t go that way.

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        1. Younger brought her teddy bear and a bag of clothes. I’m hoping she and her partner work whatever it is out. My girls dont get along together. Younger has only been moved out for 4 months, I’m sure she doesn’t want to move back, especially since Ben has taken over her room.

          The heat should be over by Monday🤞 95 again today🥵 Ben had a much better day today, so that’s a good thing. We’ll see what the evening brings…

          Other than being hot, and tired of course, I’m still pretty much doing okay. So that’s another good thing.😘🤗

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  10. Goodness sake! A toy gun?
    Yes. I can relate to some extent. I probably still have toy guns, swords, etc on the highest level of my closet. I never bought these for my son, but somehow they ended up in his hands.
    Why do boys love these toys so much???
    And Curtis is 34 now. There weren’t any school shootings back then thank God. Ben might have been totally innocent and just showing off to friends. But not cool.

    You are an angel to help your daughter raise his son. 100 percent.

    Take care of you

    Teri

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    1. Thanks Teri!🤗
      Ben likes to reenact whatever he’s watching on YouTube or movies… even cartoons have guns. He was watching Rango recently. It’s all a game to him. He has no concept of what a gun can do. We’re very lucky he goes to an autism non-public school and that his teacher and the rest of the staff are understanding. I think being close to Halloween helped too, even though the gun isn’t part of his costume.

      Ben needs me. I cant NOT help. I just dont want to do it ALL.
      😍🥰💌

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  11. Great post, Angie, I love it when you write a personal post and share more of your story so that we can get to know you a bit more 🙂

    I’m not weighing in on anything mentioned in the post because it none of my business, I’m not living it.

    However I do have a toy gun story which I’ll share… Once upon a time when I was about 6 yrs old, I was sent away to boarding school and was very confused by the whole new life scenario – Had I done something wrong? Was I no longer wanted? Had my warranty run out or was I being replaced by a better model thanks to the warranty?

    This boarding school took all of the boarding pupils (there were also day pupils who didn’t board) to church on Sunday. We had to wear our “Sunday best” and be well behaved good little children so the church people would think the boarding school was teaching their pupils to be good people.

    One Sunday we went to a church fair after church where we could use our pocket money to buy something from all of the things the good church going people had given to the church for its fair which had a “jumble sale” to collect funds for the little church.

    There was a toy gun in the jumble… of course the church people must have gone through the items they were given for their jumble – right? It seems the answer was actually – No, they didn’t.

    I did discuss with myself the “wisdom” of buying the toy gun – as in don’t buy it, but the me who understood what a bunch of bleeps adults are did not manage to convince child-me not to buy it. So I bought it… and the school confiscated it the moment I got back to school because little girls should not be buying and owning toy guns no matter what, including the why the eff do adults make and sell such things, such toys, for kids?

    I learned a very interesting lesson from that – Adults are bleeps but there’s nothing you can do about it when you’re a child. And by the time you’re old enough to do something about it, you’re an adult bleep 😉

    Best wishes!

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    1. Thank you Ursula😍
      Bleep bleep bleep! Yep! Ben sees guns as props in the dramas he reenacts fro YouTube or movies he’s watched. He has no clue (maybe he does have some clue, I really dont know) what a gun can actually do.
      A recent movie he watched, Rango, has guns.
      He’s been watching YouTube videos by a family that has a daughter pretending to be a police officer and putting people in jail for breaking rules. (He’s been writing everyone “tickets” at school. They made him a police hat “Officer Ben”)
      I’m very grateful in our crazy school shooting, gun focused country that he is at a “non-public” autism school and that the teacher and staff are a little more understanding. If he had been at a regular neighborhood school he would have been suspended at the very least.
      We try to keep him from taking anything to school except his Hello Kitty friends (they’re his comfort, and the school allows comforts for their students) and a gun is a definite no-no. My daughter wasnt paying attention. It’s more her fault than his. Just like the sellers at your school were at fault. (6 years old?! 🤦‍♀️🤬)

      Everything went fine this morning with Ben. He had a good day at school even. We’ll see what happens with Older Daughter.

      New drama added to the fun… Younger daughter’s partner basically threw her out of their home this morning. I got the tearful phone call right after the bus left. I went and got her but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Okay…for now. Older daughter is putting on her “helpful, accommodating” persona. At least she’s playing nice. They’re usually at each other’s throats.

      I feel there will be another post soon.😉

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  12. Oh no, I really hope that things will straighten out again soon. But that’s the thing, it goes up and down. The good bit is that when you are down, you know that eventually you will come out of the slump and things will improve. The downside is that when you are feeling pretty good, you know that it’s not going to last. That’s where I am at the moment: pretty on the level mood-wise, but waiting for the moment when the inevitable downward slide begins.

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    1. I hope your level lasts a long time! Mine was a good 3 weeks or a bit more😯 The Ben drama was Wednesday, then I had younger daughter drama that began early Thursday morning and lasted until 3am this (Friday) morning and is actually still ongoing. Hopefully my part in it will be sorted out by this afternoon 🤞 I’m bothered by all of it, but not losing my cool.
      Maybe I should change my zen metaphor to a horse that trying to buck me off but I’m still in the saddle?🤔😁

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    1. Thank you for the gift! I’m actually quite a mess😉
      Yes, the toy gun could have been a major big deal. Schools have “Zero Tolerance” plans and repercussions. And how sad a statement is THAT?!
      Unfortunately, that was only Act I of family drama. Act II coming soon… I believe it’s mostly sorted now.🤞🙏

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      1. Well, please take it easy and as they say although l am oft confused …now let me see ..it’s either deep breasts or deep breaths?? Which ever it is take it and them 🙂

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    1. Things are still a little bumpy but improving. Thank you🤗
      With Ben, I really dont mind CO-parenting, I just dont want to do all of it. The note from the teacher was a wakeup call I think. She is very sensitive to people thinking she’s a “bad parent” so she’s been paying more attention to the things she needs to. 🌻

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