(Another rerun… this was originally posted the end of February 2017. I still don’t have people that I hang out with IRL, but I think of many of you wonderful WordPress Dudes as good friends!)
I came to a realization the other day. I have no friends. It sounds bleak but, surprisingly, it’s not.
It’s not that I’m depressed and withdrawn, although I have had bouts of depression since my teens. It’s not that I’m shy and don’t know how to make friends. I’m very confident and have great social skills. It’s simply that I don’t have the time or the energy to maintain a friendship.
Before I became disabled I was a supervisor for a big emergency roadside service company. I won’t list all my duties here but they were extensive. Before disability I was also on PTA and very active in several grassroots political groups. I had a lot of friends. As my pain took more of my focus I stopped working, stopped my political activies and stopped PTA. It wasn’t all at once but over several years. I still had a few friends and occasionally went out.
Then after King Ben was born I was a bit more social. Gotta show off the cute baby, right?! We knew things weren’t “normal” probably as early as one year. Unfortunately the pediatrician we had said he couldn’t be tested for autism until he was three. He was almost four before we received any support. Anyway, the few friends I still had either couldn’t/wouldn’t understand The King or they got tired of me being unavailable or having to cancel.
So here we are now, I’m exhausted most of the time from my fibromyalgia and taking care of Ben, which is why I rarely post on my blog also. I do go to the occasional concert or art show with one of my daughters but that’s it. I suppose I should feel sad but I don’t. If I want to interact with someone besides my daughters I can always go on social media. I’m sure I’m not the only friendless person that is content with their own company.
(featured image mine)
King Ben's Grandma 
I can understand this. I have one large social group, which makes up all my friendships and events. My roommate is from that group as well. I used to have a scattering of other friends, but over time that just became too much. I kept my one closest friend, who is like family. But honestly if I quit the social group, most of these friends would fade away… they are very event-oriented. If I didn’t play board games, I wouldn’t see them. Knowing this makes me feel they aren’t true friends, even though I do confide things to them etc because idk… port/storm, right?
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It’s about priorities for me. I could join a Book Club or something, but mostly when I have free time I just want to be alone.
You don’t have the daily insanity of a King living with you. In your circumstances I’d probably do like you. Have a situational group that I could hang out with, or not.
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Yep. When I was living with the nutso husband, even tho he didn’t require care like a child, I was too emotionally exhausted for friends.
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I have one in-person friend, and I’m quite content to spend the vast majority of the time by myself.
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Yep! People-ing is exhausting and I’m really quite content with my own company. I think a lot of us are feeling that way.
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With all that you’re doing and your chronic illness, I think you’re doing an amazing job. You’ve plenty of real friends at WP!
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Thanks Sadje!🌻 I do have plenty of WP friends! 🥰
I look back at all the things I used to do, and I had pain then too, and I get exhausted just thinking about it.😂
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We change and adapt with age. It’s nice to have friends you can hang out with but if not, then choose the ones who will hang out with you! 😍
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“Truth is, I’m a pretty terrific date. I know when to arrive, I know when to call it a night, and frankly I always leave myself wanting more.”
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😂Exactly!
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Remember that book fair at my old high school I went to with Catelyn – she was so bummed for me when I told her I left high school without any friends. I was fine with it. Until last year, I sometimes would get stuck in outings with the parents of my kids friends. I never said anything, but about a year ago one of them called me to tell me something wrong that Bobby did – and she found out about on the sidelines of a sporting event when all the moms were talking. I heard, when all the moms were gossiping. I was so mad our family was the topic of their gossip circle I have refused all outings (I hated to go to anyway). I have one friend I see every couple of months when we go for a walk. We don’t call or text in-between, even if we are having a time of things. We are both so low maintenance, prefer alone time and a good book, but both value that 1-2 hour walk to catch up. You know, I like my friends on WP. I like how we support each other and chat in comments. These relationships make me happy 🙂
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WP is perfect for me right now. I’ve got people who understand and support me. I really have no desire to ‘go out’. My daughters go with me to eat or a concert but I prefer my slobby clothes in my comfy house.
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I so hear you. I look back and see how my social circle has contracted. Basically it’s down to one climbing partner I now send a birthday and Christmas card to (not been climbing in probably 8 years, so not seen him in that time) and a lad I went to footy games with. But because of circumstances I hardly see him now. Once a year if I’m lucky. That’s it. But that’s how it is. Got a job to do. It’s a privilege to do it. The real upside is people like you on WP. x
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Even my family stays away because of Ben and the unreliability, the noise, the holes in the walls… whatever. I have gotten even more sensitive to noise and masses of people (except at concerts 🤔) than I was before. I don’t miss it. My ex had chased off all but the ‘political’ friends anyway. One couple used to come by after the ex left…then the husband would stop by… then he acted in a way that wasn’t cool.🤷🏼♀️
WP friends are perfect right now. Who knows what the future will bring?
💌
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Anything is still possible. You never know the best is still to come. x
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I appreciate your contact on my WW and FF. A lot. I notice if you’re missing. Friends? Maybe at least a little, okay?
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Most of my followers are ‘blog buddies’, some are ‘friends’ and some I would call ‘close friends’ even though we never see each other, although we do communicate outside of the blog.
It was a strange moment when I thought about not having people I get together with. I really dont miss it. I have a very busy life right now.🌻
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I don’t have a lot of irl friends and in truth it has never bothered me – l have blogger friends that l communicate to on and off blog [ well you know, you are one of them], Most of my real life friends are actually Suze’s family – so her brother and his wife, her cousin and her husband and really that is it. I don’t need to see people on a regular daily basis as it is JUST too much hard work and in truth being social is overrated. When younger people used to think l was a party animal and a real socialite – that’s because people judge and make snap decisions and yet if those same people had looked properly they would have seen that l was event present because l was supposed to be there, l was escorting someone who had to be there, l was working it, or l was my own one man social group.
I used to dance at raves and people thought l was dancing with others … duh NO!! I always danced by myself with my eyes shut.
People don’t need lots of people to survive, they just think they do. I could blame Asperger’s but it’s not 100% that it’s me as well, l find real life peoplling very annoying.
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Yep! Absolutely agree. The more time I spend with people, the more I want to be alone.
If distance didnt separate, I still think it would be fun to meet up OCCASIONALLY with some of my WP friends!☕💃🏼
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We go through lots of different stages in our lives, don’t we? I’m in a fairly quiet, fairly anti-social, happy to be cosied up at home with family, kind of stage too, at the moment. Socialising takes a lot of effort. What matters is, how happy we feel about our situation and if it suits us, then fine. Things may or may not change in the future. Life keeps evolving and that’s quite exciting. 😁
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Very well stated!🌻
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