If you missed the start of this series, you can find it here. A lot of things will be the same or very similar.
Today is a special day for me and my daughters. On this date, July 11, twelve years ago, I helped my ex (we’re actually still legally married but he’s my EX), their father, get on a Greyhound Bus and watched until that bus drove away. We were finally free from the violence and the terror of Domestic Abuse
Last night went according to plan, Younger arrived, the snake got shot, Ben (and Zeus!) went to bedtime with Auntie’s help and I took Older to work. Back home, hugs and love yous and resting until sunset.
After sunset, while I was eating, I heard Ben laughing really loud. He was either having a really funny dream or he was still awake. I heard him make a few more noises so when the carb-crash food coma tried to drag me down, I fought it. It was only 9:30 or so and yes, I was tired but knew if I konked out and got woken up it would be worse. Thankfully he didn’t get up, but I was awake until around midnight. It was so warm last night I never got under the blankets. I just slept on top of the bed.
The command to get up and relocate came around 5:15am. We were settled in the living room by 5:30. I was settled anyway, Ben had ants in his pants and was all over the place. He brought all of his kitties out and set them up in a Stadium Seating arrangement on the end of the couch. “Look, Gramma!” He was so proud of himself. Very cute.
I dozed (when Ben let me) until the med alarm went off. I gave him his morning meds and started getting myself and Ben ready to go pick Daughter up from work.
We left on time, got Daughter and drove home. We were both too tired for chit chat on the drive back to Casa Cuckoo.
Dogzilla rampaged through the kitties while we were gone. I set everything back up while Ben supervised. Daughter asked him if he wanted to go to her room with her, trying to give me a little time to rest. He told her “It’s fine” which means NO in Benspeak.
Ben and I just hung out in the living room all morning and into the afternoon. It was hot HOT by noon… 98F (37C) and it was possible it could hit triple digits. The AC was cranking. The med alarms were the only indicators of time passage.
I didn’t take a picture of Sven today because he’s still in the same spot. I peek at him a few times a day and he glares at me, so I know he’s okay. Silly brumating in the summer Dragon! I did take a picture of Zeus, who squeezed himself in next to me while Ben was playing with his chalk.
The heat, the closed up house, and the growing ache in my back from Couch Sittin were all things I thought about on this twelfth anniversary of my Freedom. It’s SO nice to be rid of the constant vigilance, the constant knot of anxiety in my stomach, and the walking on eggshells fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. It’s nice to be rid of the hopeless, helpless, trapped feeling. Sometimes Ben gets my anxiety up when he’s headed towards a meltdown, and sometimes the random hitting twinges my memories… flashbacks… but it’s nowhere close to how I lived each moment of each day for years. I may not be having a huge celebration, but I am grateful to be twelve years free from abuse!
Anyway, a little after 2pm Daughter came out to take over Living Room Duty. I went to get Horizontal and as soon as Zeus was sure I was going to stay put, he was whining to go outside. Grrr! Dumb Dog! So I got up and opened the oven door… I mean the side door so he could go out. I have to leave the door open, because if I close it he runs back in. So I sat on the side of my bed, waiting for him to do his thing so I could close the door again. It was seriously like having the oven door open. After a couple minutes I started wondering what was taking so long, so I got up and looked. The Big Dummy was just exploring. Walking around the yard, sniffing. Probably looking for gross, disgusting snacks too. Gag! I closed the door. He pushed it open 5 seconds later. I counted… one one thousand, two one thousand… I closed the door again and laid down. Ben had come in and stretched out during Zeus’s outside time.
Daughter brought Ben’s meds in to him around 2:45. Then around 3:15 the heat in my room finally got to him or he got bored just watching his tablet, either or both or neither… he went back to the AC cooled living room. He was back fifteen minutes later. He just wants to be where I am.
Ben was back and forth the rest of the afternoon. It was hot but we kept the chill vibe. And now all that’s left is the evening routine. Daughter is off tonight, so no Driving Miss Daisy.
I had a difficult time finding a song for tonight. I wanted something to recognize freedom from Domestic Abuse but I don’t dwell on it. I don’t have a “go to” list of songs. Any suggestions for next year’s July 11th post would be appreciated.
Thank you for coming by and just chillin with us today. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate twelve years of freedom from Domestic Abuse than a relaxing day where the worst thing that happened was a lazy King Ben had me fetchin stuff for him or writing words. Come on back tomorrow. It’s supposed to be another HOT one but we’ll keep the AC cranking and hopefully Ben will be chill tomorrow too. Daughter does have work tomorrow night, so there might be a little bit of stress. I never know what’s gonna happen here at Casa Cuckoo… nobody does… we’ll have some fun, whatever happens, right? Right!