If you missed the start of this series, you can find it here. A lot of things will be the same or very similar.
As soon as I got home and presented HRH with the “small box” of chalk he absolutely HAD to have, and put the food away, I went and took pictures of sunset.
The rest of the evening was normal stuff… the Food Coma took me down while I was giving my stomach a break before I laid down. I woke around 1am, took my meds and slept horribly until 5am.
I don’t know why my sleep has been so rotten the past few nights, but I’m already over it! I got up at 5am, hoping to use the bathroom in peace. Ben and Zeus gave me five whole minutes before they were at the door. Another Casa Cuckoo morning… at least there was no door kicking. That’s good, right?!
Daughter came out at 5:30 to begin Couch Sittin Duty. I happily let her. I got my freshly brewed coffee from the Dragon and let Zeus out and followed. No Venus to see because it was cloudy. I went back inside and got Horizontal. Ben was hyped up like he always is first thing in the morning but it wasn’t too bad. At 6:30 we gave him his morning meds, including a full strength Extended Release Adderall. Then we waited to see if the extended release was gonna work for him.
I went to look at the sky again around 7am. That’s usually when all the birds start moving around, either doing a flyby or stopping to chat for a while. It was weirdly quiet and mist shrouded. I looked, I clicked, I went back inside.
Ben was calming down and the morning was going well. Daughter and I had hope that today would be a good day. I was a little curious and concerned about the usual 9:30am SpazmaTaz that goes until 11:00 or 11:30, after he takes his 10:30am med. So we waited and watched. Nothing else really to do.
The 9:30 SpazmaTaz came on schedule and the 10:30 med was given. At noon we were still having issues. He had put on the white button down shirt, the tie, the vest, the jacket and the hard shoes around 10am. He also began asking for chalk again around the same time.
He went outside and started busting the wall. I went and stopped him. It was jovial and kind and everyone was still in a good mood. But as 11:30 became noon, and then 12:30 and we were still having to pull him away from the wall, our tempers were getting shorter. Especially mine because he kept kicking me in the shins with those hard shoes.
It’s like he wants us to push him into meltdown. We didn’t want to deal with a meltdown. They are horrible for all of us and I just don’t understand these moods. It’s not sensory overload when he is purposely doing things he knows he shouldn’t. And why does he have to break things? And if he has to break something, why is the plaster or whatever of the wall so much better than a bunch of old chalk? We try to give him alternatives but he seems to get set on doing exactly what he knows is wrong.
We got him to come in again around 12:30 with some french fries and “orange chicken”. Ten minutes later he was telling me “you have to get dressed… you have to go to the store for new chalk”. JIMINEY CRICKET ON A MOTORSCOOTER!! Again with the dag-nabbit chalk.
I told him I would go try to find more chalk. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I was rattled, I was completely done, mentally. Just exhausted by his pacing and intensity and constant asking for chalk and destruction. I had searched a nearby craft store’s website and it said they had chalk in stock.
Masked and jittery, I left and headed that way. I was only able to find three packs of four pieces of chalk. I bought those. (While in line a woman in front of me was wearing a face shield. She lifted the shield, bent at the waist and sneezed all over a display… twice. WTF is wrong with people?)
I drove to two different WallyWorld stores after that, worried that the three four-packs wouldn’t be good enough because they weren’t a “box”. After the second WallyWorld and an hour of time spent, wasted really, I went home prepared for a meltdown.
I was still frazzled, worse than when I left, almost in tears to be honest. I went inside and gave him what I had and told him I looked at three stores and that’s all I could find. He said “Thank you.” and that was that. Daughter said he’d been fine since I left.
I went to lay down, telling Daughter I’d give her a break in a bit. She told me to rest, she was okay. I guess she could tell I’d reached my limit for the time being. Ben sat down and opened the new chalk, added it to the THREE BOXES WORTH he opened yesterday and began to do his thang.
It’s almost sunset time, and I’ve been on Couch Sittin Duty since 3:30pm or so. Daughter took me up on my offer. That couch gets pretty uncomfortable and she needed to charge her laptop. Anyway… nothing left but sunset, meds, dinner, bath and bed for Ben, and the usual Things and Stuff for me. It will be what it will be.
This song was on the radio during my Great Chalk Search and it so totally fit the mood and the situation…
What a day. My Zen slipped a little today. I’m okay, we all have bad day and today was one of mine. Exhaustion is part of it. I really do try to get the sleep I need, but my life is full of interruptions and outside forces. So I plod through and try again. I’ll never stop trying. I’ve been through so much worse than this. The last year with my ex especially, was way worse than this. The three months I spent bedridden in pain was worse than this, my first deconstruction was worse than this. Tomorrow will be what it will be. I’m hoping it will be good, but I’m ready if it’s not. I can do this. With all us supporting each other, WE can all do this!! ¡Hasta mañana!