Part 359 ~ The Adventures of King Ben & Zeus the Big Dumb Dog

If you missed the start of this series, you can find it here. A lot of things will be the same or very similar.

Ben ate his orange chicken while laying on my bed, and watching his tablet. I took pictures of the sky. The wind was blowing pretty good, and it felt like it was coming straight from the artic. (Yes, I’m whining again.) I stopped taking pictures when I couldn’t feel my fingertips anymore.

… yeah, too many pictures, but I really couldn’t help myself. Even with numb fingers, and my shoulders hunched up to my ears, it was so pretty.

We’re moving Ben’s bath to after Driving Miss Daisy or if she’s off, to 6:30pm-6:45pm. Less time pressure on work nights, and the time change is tonight, so it’s more in keeping with Ben’s body clock.

Anyway, Daughter was getting ready for work, and Ben was playing so I grabbed the mail, which included a delivery of a new vest and tie I didn’t want him to have yet. There was also a letter for me… from my ex. (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) Daughter was still getting ready so I opened it cuz it was thick. It was seven pieces of notebook paper written front and back, so a fourteen page letter. I skimmed through the the first two or three pages before we had to leave.

Ben wanted me to put Bad on the radio again, but we kinda skipped over that, and kept talking. Daughter wanted to know what the letter was about, and wanted me to know that she still wanted nothing to do with her father. I told her I hadn’t read enough to know what it was about, and I didn’t have any great desire to be in contact with him either.

We got her to work, dropped her off, and I promised to text when we got home, and after The Boys were settled. Ben was pretty tired, so bath was easy and pretty quick, he didn’t want to play for a half hour like usual. I got him into his jammas, then sent him to his room, where Zeus had been waiting, confused at the change in routine. Daughter was texted, and I got ready to read the letter… it felt more like THE LETTER.

The first few pages were apologies, regrets, medical diagnoses, then he wrote about why he was in jail, and how the judge was going to release him, but he didn’t have anywhere to go, so he asked to stay and that night there was an ice storm that might’ve killed him, but definitely would’ve made him relapse. He wrote that he has almost two years sober, and he’s seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. Finally, finally, finally he got to the point… he wants to come visit.

I felt gut-punched. There has always been the possibility that he could randomly show up one day. It wouldn’t be hard for him to find us. We’re one block from the place where we all lived… the same neighborhood. This unexpected letter just brought all the old feelings swirling back. I’m not really fearful anymore, but I don’t really want to see him either.

On reflection, mostly what I feel is irritation. I’m irritated that he wants to cause disruption in my already crazy life. I’m irritated that he went on and on about not being here for the past twelve years, like the girls, Ben and I have suffered this entire time, and things would’ve been better if he’d been here. The first year, or eighteen months was really difficult financially, but I’d go through eviction, having no food, and everything else, all over again to be free of the torturous life we’d been living.

After finishing the letter, my first impulse was to call Younger. She has tried to maintain a relationship with her dad, and I thought she’d like to know he was okay. I stopped myself. It would be pointless to stir all that crap up, especially while she was probably enjoying her night off, and hanging out with Partner.

I emailed a friend instead. I usually email this friend in the evenings anyway, so it was a better choice overall. Get some of my feelings out, and get back into my evenings routine at the same time. The routine part was a little off, all the Things got done, but not all the Stuff. NBD.

I ate, took my pill and went to sleep around 11pm. Wakeups at 1am and 3am were not brief, but not too long either. I woke at 5am, but stayed in bed and kinda drifted until 6am. I didn’t want to get up then either, but it was time. Especially since The Boys came and Bounced me a minute after the alarm went off.

We had a regular Driving Miss Daisy morning. I took a few pictures while Zeus lifted a leg, then did all usual morning stuff.

We left early to get Daughter, got there early, and she clocked out early… five whole minutes, such a rebel. Back home was the usual routine. I offered her the letter, but she declined. She changed clothes, and settled on the couch. I got ready and headed out for my walk, after getting a box of chalk I knew Ben would ask for.

I wasn’t really feeling like walking, but I made myself go anyway. I’ve been doing good and I didn’t want to break my streak out of laziness. I did the same two miles, with a few picture stops, in thirty-three minutes. I seem to be keeping the same pace, which is good I guess.

Back home, and into my sloppies, I grabbed a Naked Juice with double protein. I do NOT reccomend the double protein. The powder doesn’t mix well, and it was all I could do to finish it. I’m doing what I can for calories and nutrients though. I’m still trying to put weight back on, and get my body healthy again.

Then it was my turn for Couch Sittin Duty, and Daughter went to go sleep. Ben did his chalk thang, took snack and tablet breaks, scripted, and Sven stood with his front foot in his food dish, and glared… Mellow vibes at the Casa.

Around 1:30pm I put Sven in the shower. He’d been at his food bowl, and I’d given him one of the roaches, and paparazzi’d him. Then he started acting all agitated and glass surfing. I thought he might need a Bliss break. He has such a rough life, our Sven. He was happy and bright after his shower. Still giving me glares though.

I went and woke Daughter up at 3:15pm. I was ready for a break and she’s off work tonight. She came out and took over Couch Sittin Duty about fifteen minutes later. I was just getting comfortable and Horizontal when Younger called me. I’d told her about the letter earlier and she wanted to talk about it. Then, after getting off the phone with her, Ben wanted more chalk. It never ends…

It’s just about sunset time… thank goodness Daughter is off tonight. No Driving Miss Daisy and hopefully, no stress or surprises.

Listening to Def Leppard recently. Lots of good songs. Another band I saw way back… before the drummer lost his arm.

Love Bites – Def Leppard

We’re getting closer to the end of the Daily Adventures. Thank you again and again for sharing these crazy days with me at Casa Cuckoo! We will still have Adventures after number three sixty-five, they just won’t be every day. Don’t worry, there will still be Sven pictures. I know he makes you smile, same as me.

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HUGS!

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18 thoughts on “Part 359 ~ The Adventures of King Ben & Zeus the Big Dumb Dog

  1. Oh my, that letter must have stirred up so much emotion. I am thinking of you as you mentally and emotionally deal with the past – that must be so hard! Whatever happens next with that I am sure you will make the choice that you have well thought through. Hugs!!!
    What beautiful pictures of the sunset – I love the clouds! Great job getting out for your walk again too. And it is always good to see judgey Sven when he is trying to eat and gives “the glare” to his paparazzi πŸ™‚
    I hope you have a great night tonight and an amazingly chill day tomorrow!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Robyn!!πŸ€—πŸ₯°πŸ’• Yep. It caught me so off-guard. PTSD never really goes away. It’s hard too because Younger has better memories because she was shielded from a lot of it… she was only 13 when he left, so she wants a relationship with him. That’s fine, she can decide for herself, but I really don’t have anything to say to him. I don’t hate him. I’m just past it. UGH! 14 pages!πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The letter must have caused an upset in your daily routine. A lot of emotional stuff to deal with and nothing constructive to come out of it. I hope that it doesn’t become a disruption in your life.
    I’m glad the rest went well. Monday is just around the corner and it’ll be another glorious school day. Get good some restful sleep. Lots of warm hugs and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s right, it’s almost GLYSB Day! πŸ’ƒπŸΌπŸ₯³
      The letter was so completely unexpected, but at least the girls know their father is okay. Older won’t have contact with him, but Younger wants to see him. Not now. It wouldn’t be safe now anyway.πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ
      I hope lockdown doesn’t ruin your Sunday!πŸ€žπŸŒ»πŸ¦‹πŸ€—πŸ₯°β€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m certainly in no position to offer my thoughts on The Letter, but I sense that you probably know what I’m thinking, and that’s good enough for me. You’ll do what’s best, after careful consideration of all the different angles and possibilities…

    Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I forgot how many great songs they hadπŸ’ƒπŸΌπŸŽΆ
      The letter was so out of the blue. He’s in jail, in Indiana, so I’m not expecting him to show up soon, and I plan write a letter of my own. A lot shorter than 14 pages.
      If Younger wants to see him, she can contact him and figure it out.
      I always take too many pictures. I may need an Intervention πŸ˜ŸπŸ’•πŸ¦‹πŸŒ»

      Liked by 1 person

  4. The clouds in your photos hang like weightless mountains in the sky! Ready to rise above anything, absolutely anything to see farther into the beauty and stillness and grandeur of sunset than one can possibly imagine.. thank you β˜ΊοΈβ˜€οΈπŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! What a beautiful, poetic way to describe them.πŸ₯° Please feel free to use any of them for one of your lovely posts if they call to you.
      I take the pictures cuz I can’t stop myself πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ and I share them hoping others will enjoy them.
      The sky amazes me almost every day.πŸ’ƒπŸΌπŸŒ πŸŒˆπŸ¦‹πŸŒ»πŸ’•πŸ˜

      Liked by 1 person

    1. At the least it would be disruptive. It could turn catastrophic. We were together 22 years, I can understand his attachment. He needs to restrict his communications to our Younger Daughter.
      He is very selfish. Narcissistic.

      Like

    1. I didn’t know Def Leppard were Yorkshire lads. Nice! Did you have parachute pants in the 80’s?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Yeah, The Letter was a shock, but now I’m just irritated. I like having him 2000 miles away. I’m afraid if he came to “visit” he wouldn’t leave.
      I obviously can’t stop him from coming if he’s determined but I’m going to tell him not to. Not now definitely… hello, pandemic πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ Younger can contact him if she wants to see him.
      πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ

      Like

  5. Wow! That’s a long letter. I bet that was hard to read. You seem like a person that has high empathy for others. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I know you are strong and will handle the situation with patience and grace. Especially since you have your kids and Ben to think about. Glad you had a friend to confide in.

    I’ve been hiking too. The weather has been cold, but glorious with some rain in between.

    Chickens are good. I need to get out there to feed them.
    Listening to a Instagram story about growing flowers from seeds. I need to get better at doing one thing at a time.

    Happy St Patrick’s Day. I made corned beef with the fixings last weekend when the boys came over. It was nice to see them.

    Hugs
    Teri

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yumm… corned beef, cabbage, carrots and taters sounds really good! I’m the only one that would eat it though πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ
      Yeah… lots of drama attached to The Letter. I still need to write back and tell him NOT to come. At least not now, and not to see me. Younger will contact him and figure something out. She’s the only one who wants to have a relationship with him.
      She & I had a good talk. She was surprised I didn’t want to see him at all.
      I told her that if I did, it would be for him. I don’t hate him, but I have no unresolved issues either. All that stuff is in the past. All the bad, bad, bad and all the good too. Can’t recapture the good, and all the bad is put to rest.
      I’m looking forward, not back.πŸ˜‰
      Hugs!πŸ€—πŸ˜πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ€πŸ’š

      Liked by 1 person

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